Category: Uncategorized

As a member of the global network of NVC communities, NVCNashville would like to support The New Future Process at The Center of Nonviolent Communication. Your input will support the future of CNVC.

A Facebook page has been created with information to attend to weekly calls (Fridays and Sundays) on the Topic of Community. Everyone is welcome to join the calls.

For an overview see this 4 Minute Video Summary of the New Future Process:

NVC “Community on Community” Live Forum

The CNVC Community Working Group (CWG) invites you to….

• Come share your joys, frustrations, and dreams of community.
• Learn what’s going on in the “NVCverse” around the world.
• Join with others to deepen and strengthen the experience of being in community.

In a series of online/teleconference sessions, the members of CWG would like to hear your thoughts, feelings, and voice around:

• Celebrations and Mournings about NVC community: What qualities do you love about NVC community? What are your inspiring stories? What didn’t work? What have been obstacles and hurdles? (two weeks)
• Community Dreams: How do we all support the qualities of community we want, globally and locally? What could a central organization do?
• NVC community around the world: How is community being supported in different parts of the world? What experiments are happening? What’s really working?
• Starting/supporting your own community: What supports are out there? What are your success stories in starting community? How could a central network support start-ups? What tools and resources exist?
• Community and technology: What are examples of powerful ways technology is being used to connect worldwide? What are your ideas?

We hope you will join us.  Your voice matters!

I found myself at a place in my life where my relationships were mostly good until there was an issue between myself and others ripe for conflict. At that point, I would use old communication skills such as explaining too much, anger, intimidation and manipulation to get my way and be heard. For years, I’ve been painful aware my way of communicating was not reaping the result I desired and yet I was unable to find another way to express myself until I found NVC. NVC offered a new language to communicate not only the tugh stuff but also by using greater compasion and clarity; my daily interactions with others have improved significantly as well.

~ Susie Szymanski

The Monday night NVC Group covered Chapter 6: Requesting That Which Would Enrich Life. We began with a check-in and then participated in an ice breaker where we were asked questions about our lives which gave us an opportunity to get to know each other a little better. We proceeded to cover Chapter 6 by reading the gray boxes and chapter summary, leaving room for discussion. Next, the individual assignments were covered in the workbook. A couple of members presented real life issues to the group and asked for exploration into appropriate, NVC requests for each unique scenario. The fact that you have to be very concrete with your observations was first addressed. The members who shared got to practice being as specific as possible with their initial observation that initiated the request. Discussion involved clarification between demands and requests, paying special attention to the idea that requests may sound like demands when unaccompanied by the speaker’s feelings and needs. We discussed the necessity of giving yourself empathy before asking for what you need, not gauging your feelings on the listener’s response to our feelings and needs. The group also talked about the importance of re-addressing issues with someone when you feel you were not practicing your “best” NVC at the time of the original discussion.

The NVC group that meets the second and fourth Thursday of each month discussed chapter 8, “The Power of Empathy” and did exercise one in the workbook, “Morning The Past”. Each member brought up a choice they had made in the past which they now regretted. In asking the question of how they feel now (usually self-judgment) we examined the unfulfilled needs beneath these thoughts. There was some opposition to exploring needs at this point, but as we went on with the practice of discovering needs in the present we came to see that deep universal needs are still there, i.e. survival, acceptance, honesty, integrity, and that accepting them leads to self-empathy. One member of the group commented on the beauty of needs and how understanding them can, as Marshall says “make life more wonderful.”

The group focused on Chapter 1 with suggested readings and exercises from the workbook, encouraged to read the workbook in advance of the gathering, up to and including Chapter 1. (pp xi-64).
Although a structure for the meeting was prepared and provided in advance, it was iterated that if any one needed empathy from the group surrounding their story, we would be willing to do that. The participants appreciated, however, the outline for the meeting, expressing that the structure met their need for just that: structure. It helped them to stay on track and learn NVC.

The meeting began with a few moments of silence, followed by each one introducing themselves by name and then doing a brief (5 min per person) check in: body mind soul/spirit. Pete reminded us that confidentiality was an important element to any NVC meeting.

We read the ‘gray boxes’ from Chapter one as well as the summary, highlighting the main points from the chapter. At about the half way point, we broke, going outside to breathe fresh air for about 5 minutes. This was enjoyed by all. We continued the second half of the 2 hour meeting by each one telling their story of ‘giving from the heart’, the suggested exercise for chapter one. While we shared our stories of ‘giving from the heart’ we followed the suggestion in the workbook that this be a listening session. We listened deeply to each story, without adding any comments or dialogue and took a moment of silence before the next person, in their turn in circle, told their story We did not focus too much on ONFR (the ‘technique’ of NVC) and agreed to go over that at the next meeting.

We ended by checking in-out once again, body mind and spirit. Jenn volunteered to prepare the next meeting. This group is meeting every other Monday from 6-8 in the home of a volunteer.

-create human connections that empower compassionate giving and receiving
-create governmental and corporate structures that support compassionate giving and receiving.

NVC involves both communication skills that foster compassionate relating and consciousness of the interdependence of our well being and using power with others to work together to meet the needs of all concerned.

This approach to communication emphasize compassion as the motivation for action rather than fear, guilt, shame, blame, coercion, threat or justification for punishment. In other words, it is about getting what you want for reasons you will not regret later. NVC is NOT about getting people to do what we want. It is about creating a quality of connection that gets everyone’s needs met through compassionate giving.

The process of NVC encourages us to focus on what we and others are observing separate from our interpretations and judgments, to connect our thoughts and feelings to underlying human needs/values (e.g. protection, suport, love), and to be clear about what we would like towards meeting those needs. These skills give the ability to translate from a language of criticism, blame, and demand into a language of human needs — a language of life that consciously connects us to the universal qualities “alive in us” that sustain and enrich our well being, and focuses our attention on what actions we could take to manifest these qualities.

Nonviolent Communication skills will assist you in dealing with major blocks to communication such as demands, diagnoses and blaming. In CNVC trainings you will learn to express yourself honestly without attacking. This will help minimize the likelihood of facing defensive reactions in others. The skills will help you make clear requests. They will help you receive critical and hostile messages without taking them personally, giving in, or losing self-esteem. These skills are useful with family, friends, students, subordinates, supervisors, co-workers and clients, as well as with your own internal dialogues.

Nonviolent Communication Skills
NVC offers practical, concrete skills for manifesting the purpose of creating connections of compassionate giving and receiving based in a consciousness of interdependnce and power with others. These skills include:

1. Differentiating observation from evaluation, being able to carefully observe what is happening free of evaluation, and to specify behaviors and conditions that are affecting us;
2. Differentiating feeling from thinking, being able to identify and express internal feeling states in a way that does not imply judgment, criticism, or blame/punishment;
3. Connecting with the universal human needs/values (e.g. sustenance, trust, understanding) in us that are being met or not met in relation to what is happening and how we are feeling; and
4. Requesting what we would like in a way that clearly and specifically states what we do want (rather than what we don’t want), and that is truly a request and not a demand (i.e. attempting to motivate, however subtly, out of fear, guilt, shame, obligation, etc. rather than out of willingness and compassionate giving).
These skills emphasize personal responsibility for our actions and the choices we make when we respond to others, as well as how to contribute to relationships based in cooperation and collaboration.

With NVC we learn to hear our own deeper needs and those of others, and to identify and clearly articulate what “is alive in us”. When we focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, needed, and wanted, rather than on diagnosing and judging, we discover the depth of our own compassion. Through its emphasis on deep listening—to ourselves as well as others—NVC fosters respect, attentiveness and empathy, and engenders a mutual desire to give from the heart. The form is simple, yet powerfully transformative.

Founded on consciousness, language, communication skills, and use of power that enable us to remain human, even under trying conditions, Nonviolent Communication contains nothing new: all that has been integrated into NVC has been known for centuries. The intent is to remind us about what we already know—about how we humans were meant to relate to one another—and to assist us in living in a way that concretely manifests this knowledge.

The use of NVC does not require that the persons with whom we are communicating be literate in NVC or even motivated to relate to us compassionately. If we stay with the principles of NVC, with the sole intention to give and receive compassionately, and do everything we can to let others know this is our only motive, they will join us in the process and eventually we will be able to respond compassionately to one another. While this may not happen quickly, it is our experience that compassion inevitably blossoms when we stay true to the principles and process of Nonviolent Communication.

NVC is a clear and effective model for communicating in a way that is cooperative conscious, and compassionate.

adapted from:
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.