Category: News

Pete Kopcsak, 2/14/2015

With skepticism in my heart, I drove to Atlanta with my wife in February 2007 for a three-day workshop with Marshall Rosenberg. I wanted to meet and hear directly from the NVC guru — the man who invented NVC — because his program was having a subtle positive influence on my wife. At the end of the three days, I drove back home a changed man.  It was an extraordinary experience that I continue to savor and appreciate exactly eight years later.

He was a tall, dark-haired, dark-complexioned man, with piercing yet empathetic eyes that had a glint of humor in them. He slid forward in his chair while he talked, as if the chair could not quite contain his large frame.

He seemed kind and loving, but there was a glint in his eye and a set to his jaw that showed he was raised as a tough street kid — a Jewish boy in Detroit.  If I’d ever been in a dangerous situation, I would have been pleased to have Marshall by my side.

At the same time, when he made presentations and answered questions, he displayed a soft confidence — almost knowing the audience questions before they were asked. He seemed to speak with deep empathy and love for all of us and himself.

I balked at many of his concepts, sometimes approaching him during breaks to tell him when I was struggling to understand his convictions. He had a twinkle in his eyes as he answered my questions, as if he knew I would be able to grasp his words if I simply had an open mind.

His use of two quirky hand puppets (where he spoke both parts) drove home visual points that helped melt my resistance. His guitar picking and singing to his own delight made other points.

I kept copious notes which are now condensed down to a page-and-a-half single-spaced. I refer to those notes frequently. To me, they and his book represent the core of Marshall’s genius and the core of NVC. Here are only four samples of the notes that caused my brain to reexamine many past convictions and thoughts:

• Don’t do anything that isn’t play.
• Rewards and punishments are both violent.
• Empathy means to be present.
• Every action is an attempt to meet a wonderful need.

To say I miss Marshall is an understatement. He was a man who touched the world. He leaves behind an unparalleled legacy in a simple 222 page text.

This very evening I was talking to a friend and I just happened to mention my interest in NVC. Her eyes lit up. A person had dropped off Marshall’s book at her desk a week ago. She was half way through it and was amazed at how it was touching her and her communication processes. She plans to come to the NVC practice group I attend twice a month.

Encounters such as this seem to pop up frequently. NVC touches and improves many of us personally, as well as all of our human connections. I know Marshall was not a fan of praise, but I am compelled to say: “Thank you Marshall for NVC. It is a gift you were blessed to invent for humanity. We will carry it forward beyond your wildest dreams.”

For our September 2014 newsletter, Pete Kopscak accepted the Board’s invitation to write about CNVC.

About three years ago, the creator of Nonviolent Communication (NVC), Marshall Rosenberg, unfortunately had to totally withdraw from the organization because of health problems. The international NVC organization is the Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC). When Marshall and his wife withdrew from CNVC, there were three board members left to serve the organization, the CNVC staff, and all of the NVC Certified Trainers.

CNVC is a global organization that supports the learning and sharing of NVC, and helps people peacefully and effectively resolve conflicts in personal, organizational, and political settings in over 65 countries.

During 2012, the three CNVC board members had open conference calls with NVC members around the world providing information and receiving feedback.

In 2103, a Forming Uniting and Nourishing (FUN) NVC Communities conference was held in Nashville that was partially funded by CNVC. One of the three CNVC board members, Bob Wentworth, attended and a separate session was held on the current status and the future of CNVC.

By midyear 2014, a process was selected by the board to revision CNVC by using a web site, Synanim, which involved all who wanted to be part of the process. The board members committed to the process and to whatever evolved out of the process which was open to go in any direction the participants decided.

It is now August, 2014 and the Synanim process is in its final revisioning phase. Once this current phase produces its final suggestions, the suggestions will be circulated to the NVC community for final feedback. After that is completed, the board members and the final CNVC panel from the Synanim process will move ahead to implement whatever the revisioning process has conceived. All who have been involved in the process so far are anticipating an exciting new CNVC organization and a bright future for NVC.

Pete Kopscak